Tourist tips

I am told that the following were published on a tourism webpage on which people could ask questions about South Africa. South Africans supplied the answers.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, We don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Southpansberg

The Southpansberg, a small mountain range in Limpopo province not far south of the Zimbabwe border, was my destination this week for a technical workshop on bioregional planning (and, specifically, a funding proposal to the World Bank / Global Environment Facility). My role - a small but crucial one! - was to take notes, keeping pace with discussions among government, community and business stakeholders. The venue was a small (2,000ha) private game reserve (no hunting!), and on an early morning walk and evening drive I got to see my first giraffe and white rhino (not actually white - the name comes from the the Afrikaans word for wide, or broad, which describes the rhino’s lips and differentiates this species from the rare, narrower-lipped black rhino).

We stayed in very comfortable cement replicas of indigenous Venda mud huts, which are scattered in small clusters throughout the reserve, and the little statues you’ll see if you go to the Yahoo photos link added some cool character to these little “villages.”

I got a ride there and back (about 4 hours from Pretoria) with a consultant named James, who has been in the business of bioregional planning and park management for 25 years - he was respnsible for, or involved in the management plans for all of South Africa’s national parks save Kruger. So I had some very informative chats with him, as well as getting some good exposure to the topic at the workshop itself. What makes conservation, and land use management generally, so interesting in South Africa (as elsewhere in the developing world I’m sure) is the intensity and immediacy of both development and conservation imperetives. Already some real texture and meaning has been added to my understanding of “sustainable development,” largely I think because the development part of SD is such a constant in the social and political reality here, and because without the sustainability part Africa’s future seems to me even more frightening and desperate than its present.

More photos here: http://ca.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/philipkakins/album?.dir=29a6

Kloofing

"Kloof” is the Afrikaans word for gorge, and“kloofing" is the combination of rappeling, rock-hopping, wading and swimming involved in exploring such a gorge. From a distance the Magaliesberg mountains look pretty plain: gentle slopes rising to unimpressive heights, a few aloes and other scrubby vegetation growing in the dry soil, and a scattering of rocks and bolders. Up close, however, they are a whole lot more interesting. A couple weekends ago Camilla and I hiked and scrambled around some very cool rock formations in the area (see previous entry), and this past weekend I went with a new friend Pieter to discover one of the Magaliesberg's many hidden kloofs. Pieter is a member of the local section of the mountain club, as well as the search & rescue group, and when he's not working on his PhD in Biochemistry he's been running off into the hills recently to prepare for an exam to get his comercial abseilling (read: rappelling) license.

On Saturday morning we drove to the Magaliesberg [pronounced MA-HAL(apply a good deal of flem to this syllable)-EEZ-BERG] and walked with big packs to a little campsite in the dust among some small trees. From there we gathered up a 60m static rope and harnesses and walked up to a nearby kloof. We were able to scramble a few hundred feet down into it and walk through the water for about 100m before reaching the top of a 40m waterfall, at which point the real fun began! I rapelled down beside the waterfall and then took one end of the rope in my teeth and swam through a very chilly stretch of water, only about 20 feet wide with sheer cliffs on both sides, down the kloof to a dry spot where I tied the rope to a boulder. Pieter then sent the pack down the line - a clever way (I thought!) of keeping our cameras and food out of the water - before coming down to join me. We jumped and splashed our way barefoot for about 40 minutes down the kloof until we got to a point where we could climb back out and return to our campsite. It was a tonne of fun, and brought me back to similar adventures at home in Cypress Creek.

After a short break we reloaded our packs with a dynamic rope and climbing equipment and went back down into the kloof. This time we headed in the opposite direction to the base of a large pillar that had become seperated from the main kloof wall. I don't have any photos of this bit, unfortunately, as I was pre-occupied with addressing my first South African climb, but it was just as much fun as the kloofing with the bonus of some fantastic views as we climbed up into the sunshine. Pieter hasn't done any lead climbing, but was able to borrow a small rack of hexes, nuts and a single cam, almost all of which, as it turned out, were useless for this particular climb. I only placed a couple pieces at the bottom before climbing the final 50 feet or so to the top. Chest-beating aside, it was a very easy climb (which reminds me: if anyone can tell me what N11 translates to in YDS I would be interested)! And the route was beautiful: up a clean wide crack on the backside of the pillar, just 10 feet or so from the main wall. From the top we had a view down the kloof and above to the surrounding hills. To my delight I also spotted a large Black Eagle (that's what colour it was, and that's what they're called) perched in its nest about 100 feet above me. From the pillar we had to jump (yes jump!) across to a ledge on the main wall (it was only about 6 feet wide, but perhaps 100 feet down) and then rappel from there back into the kloof. I had the misfortune of rappeling directly into a “blister bush”, which left my hands and legs stinging from thousands of miniscule thorns. We did a second, slightly more difficult climb just beside the pillar, and I got off route (if there was in fact a route!) into roots and bushes before coming clear onto a nice big ledge in the sun. By this time the heat was getting to us both, so we took a break in the shade and I fell asleep listening to the birds and the breeze.

We slept that night under the stars (and planets - Venus and Jupiter I think).

In the morning I was awoken by fierce growling and screaming, and shortly after I got up I spotted a troope of 50 or so baboons (big Pappa baboons - the growlers, and little baby baboons - the screamers) making their way to the creek below our campsite (again, no photos - sorry - I decided that this was one of those times to just sit and appreciate, rather than rushing for the camera!).

We didn't have much time on Sunday, as Pieter had received a call from the search & rescue group and had to get back early. We just did one abseil off a very precipitous drop into the same kloof we had been in the day before. This was a practice session for Pieter, and included a new experience for me: the abseil was about 100 metres long, which meant that we had to tie two ropes together and pass the knot on the way down. After diligently watching me tie the prussik knots he had taught me the evening before, Pieter let me go down first. It was definitely one of the most dramatic rappels I've done (second only to coming off the Split Pillar on the Chief) - see photo "Pieter on edge" - and passing the knot was a pain in the butt (for those who care, see foot note below for the step-by-step) but a fun and usefull skill to learn.

On the way home we stopped at a little road-side shop for gingerbeer, strawberry jam and fudge.

It was a super fun weekend. A joy to get out of the city and into the mountains, and great to make a new friend and learn about kloofing. I hope I wil get to do it again while I'm here!


Footnote: Passing the knot involved staying secure to the ropes with a prussik above the knot and a clove hitch below, then detaching the belay device, reattaching it below the knot, tying another prussik below the knot, weighting that one, wrestling to loosen and untie the top prussik, getting the clove hitch caught in the belay device (Pieter didn't instruct me to do this, but I was keen on the extra challenge), retying the upper prussik and weighting that one so I could free the clove hitch from the belay device, and starting the process all over again before rapping wearily down the final 40m on the second rope.

More photos here: http://ca.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/philipkakins/album?.dir=a26b

The Magaliesberg

The Magaliesberg mountain range is in Northwest Province, which neighbours Gauteng (this is where I am; pronounced “HOW(with flem)-TENG”) to the West. It's nothing dramatic - about 120km long and a few hundred feet high - but it constitutes a number of parks and reserves, as well as some private resorts, and provides easy access to the outdoors from Pretoria and Jo'burg.

After dithering over coffee and waiting for a car to become available at Avis, Camilla and I made an afternoon dash about one and a half hours west of Pretoria and found ourselves (having stopped to ask directions from a number of people for whom“hiking”elicited only the vaguest of frowns and mumbled suggestions) in the“Mountain Sanctuary.” Feeling lucky to have made it into the mountains at all, given our late start and lack of any plan or destination, we picked up a trail that led quickly into a rocky river bed with some fantastic rock formations. We are nearing the end of winter now, which is the dry season in this part of the world, and the river was running very low, making for easy walking. We stopped along the way to scramble on the rocks (I was in heaven!), eventually making it to a sort of dead-end at a little waterfall pouring over a heavily overgrown cliff. We had a bite to eat while soaking up the silence and evening light, then hustled back down to get to the car before dark (which comes around 6:15).

We agreed that we would have to come back to this spot with some good friends, food and books, and spend a proper day playing in the river and climbing on the rocks!

More photos here: http://ca.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/philipkakins/album?.dir=/c162

South African Wine

…is delicious and CHEAP! If I hadn’t already pledged my alloted addiction to the three Cs (Chocolate, Coffee and the CBC) I fear I might become an alcoholic. I take a glass of red with dinner each night as it is (my goal while I’m here is to sample every bottle in the grocery store priced at $6 or less), and the CBC strike is sorely testing my resolve to hold the line there. Removing it from the list and replacing it with “Cabernet” has crossed my mind more than once.

As far as I know, all of South Africa's wine comes from the Cape region (there are over 200 winery's within a day's drive of Stellensboch), where it has been produced since the mid-1600s. My favorites so far have been"pinotage" - perhaps someone better informed could tell me if this is unique to SA - which is a blend of Pinot Noir and Cinsault (once known as Hermitage) or Shiraz.